kjhicks

Consulting requires that you ask questions of your client.  Sometimes, for me, this can be very challenging.  I do not want to appear unknowing or feel like I’m asking a “stupid” question.  Sometimes, although I am listening to a client, I need clarification for things I do not understand.  Before asking them to clarify, I somewhat shudder at the response I expect from them.  Will they role their eyes at me for not understanding them and needing them to repeat something to me?  Will they give me a “duh” look?  Or will I still not understand and need to ask them for more clarification?  I also worry about entering territory where someone obviously knows more about a concept than I.  For instance…human resources.  While this is an area that I have become more interested in; I still know very little about it.  I don’t want to ask “unnecessary” questions or questions that appear irrelevant to my client.  As I type this, it sounds a little trivial…but it is one of my concerns.

I like to talk, but lately I am discovering that will all the talking I am doing; I am not always communicating to the best of my ability.  I’m noticing that in work and personal relationships, I am having to go behind myself and reitterate things to people in order to clarify what I’ve previously discussed with them.  I used to attribute this to people being stupid or purposely manipulating my words for their own benefit.  However, this is occuring more than I am able to tolerate.  I do not like having the “when I said_____,what I meant was______ conversations all the time.  Maybe I need to be more direct, but I guarnatee someone will mistake my directness for nastiness.  (It’s happened before)  Then what will happen is the person will refuse to communicate with the “nasty lady”.

In class, we discussed taking the time to gain authenticity in relationships.  We discussed how relying on technology (email, texts, facebooking…etc) to guide communication can often cause more harm than good in our relationships.  While this can cause severe problems in consultant/client relationships (believe me…I know) it can also cause difficulties in our everyday relationships as well.  I can remember a previous job I had where the boss wanted the employees to correct some things we had done wrong.  In an effort to communicate her request to all of us, she sent out a massive email to all the employees…in all CAPS.  Was she simply trying to emphasize the importance of the assignment or was she YELLING at us through an email???? Of course, nearly every employee interpreted it as yelling.  We  felt belittled and demeaned….scolded…as if we were young children breaking a rule. 

I recently left a job.  Upon my resignation, I began to receive emails from my supervisors sent from “I-phones”.  While there was no face-to-face words of sincerity expressed to me, the “i-phone” messages made me feel like such an afterthought…as if recognizing my leaving was such a nuissance.  My point is…while technology makes it easier for us to communicate, it usually isn’t the best way.  It leaves too much to interpretation on the part of the receiver.  I’d much rather build concrete, genuine, face-to-face relationships rather than technological ones.

My Groups and Teams class has come to an end…and my capstone class will end tomorrow.  Throughout these group experiences, my teammates and I have worked together, griped together, laughed together, etc…We have had to rely on one another to get things done.  However, I don’t feel my experience in my groups at VCU will relate to other experiences in groups.  At my job when we are working in ;no one really has anything at stake.  There really isn’t anything for anyone to lose if the job doesn’t get done,  Everyone will get paid the same amount of money on the 1st and 16th of every month.  It’s a state job, so no one is expecting a raise because they know they won’t get one.  They know that at the end of the assignment, there is no instructor asking for a review of their work by their teammates.  I have even seen situations where a co-worker did not like what was taking place in a group assignment and very loudly verbally announced that they refused to do anything else.  I wish I’d received a chance to deal with those sort of “uncontrollable” group dynamics that can surface.   What do you say to a team member that speaks or acts like that.  Currently, I just tune the person out and if they come to their senses “great” but if they don’t “oh well” the work will get done with or without them.  I just wish I had more “know-how” to approach that conversation.

After the presentation on paradoxes in class; I thought it would be interesting to take some of these concepts home to discuss with the man in my life. I don’t know if it was the late hour of the evening or the fact that I may have interrupted his “winding down” time, but after this discussion I felt like I needed to call in to work the next day. Let’s just say, the chicken or the egg question ended up being a religious/political debate that only ended because the phone rang.

I work in a very small, very tight group/team at my job.  While there are so few of us that work so tightly together; the personality differences are so great.  All too often, I find myself supressing things that I think are important to say in order to not hurt a person that I noticed may have a very thin skin.  However, this tends to cause negative outcomes…of course.  I find myself noticing problems or things that may have been done wrong, but all too often I choose not to say anything and justifying by thinking to myself “they’ll see it was a bad idea when things go wrong”.   This can’t be the right thing to do.  Of course, these problems that I see possibly arising do not affect me personally or directly, but even still; I have some insight that could possibly deter a situation from becoming bad.  Am I not operating or working to my full capcity because I choose to let a team member find his or her own way in a situation?  Should I be more forthcoming with my ideas and risk “hurting a team member’s feelings” on a concern that does not really involve me?  I would be very open to anyone’s opinion…no matter what….but then again…that’s my personality.

 As I prepared for group’s final project, I centered my attention on interruptions.  Not that the other topics were not interesting to me, but this one is really ineresting.  I hate being interupted, yet I have been one to interrupt.  Why is this?  Why when we are communicating are some of us so focused on what we are going to say next.  Are we self-centered and feel that our ideas have more relevance than another.  Do we like the sound of our voice better than the person that is speaking.  Or are we in such a battle for control that we feel it is important to assert our power by cutting someone else off.  Out text tells us that as facilitators, we should look for the root or cause of a group’s member’s interruption.  Sometimes someone is in a rush and don’t have time to wait for someone to finish their thought in order to put in their own two cents.  For some reason, I don’t find that too valid.  Even though as good facilitator, I will know to take an unbiased approach to seeking the reason for interruptions, I understand the need of someone to want to get their point across immediatley.  I’ve been there done that.

Last week, my group and I presented the final production of our presentation on inter-group dynamics.  While we had previously worked collaboratively on another assignment; this one was different.  We would not be writing our thoughts down to be submitted for a grade from our instructor. Rather, we’d be presenting a finished product; a culmination of our collective ideas and thoughts to our peers.  This seemed, to me, to be slightly more “intimidating” for us.  Speaking for myself, I did not want to have something that didn’t seem genuine to me to be presented to others as a representation of me.  I had some ideas about what could, (or dare I say should) be done.  And of course, my teamates had their ideas as well. 

I often think of myself as an idependent thinker.  Sometimes my ideas about things overshadow the possibilities of anything different.  When my team and I began brainstorming ideas for the project, I found myself having to enter a different “place”.  I was not the first person to speak up, so my idea was not heard first.  I will be honest; I found myself tuning out a lot of what my teammate said.  I spoke next.  The response I received was not the one I envisioned in my mind.  They were not as excited about as me; and in fact; raised some very valid points about my idea that challenged it’s appropriateness for this project.  This made me think.  An independent thinker had to rely on someone else’s ideas and thoughts to find logic and sense in something that, while I thought perfect, was proven not to be so.

With this project, something very tangible was at stake for me.  My grade and the impression I would leave upon my classmates.  I did not want to be embarrassed.  I think this helped me to better absorb what I was hearing from my team.  However, I couldn’t help but wonder what other things I may have tuned out in other classes, my job or even my life at home due to my indulgence in my own ideas.  How many things that I have well (and there have been many) could have been improved to “excellent” had I sought the knowledge or opinion of another.  This is definitley an idea I was encouraged to think about.

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